Will Always Cherish The Good Ones
Coffee with Sarah

Why I’m not Okay

Fine
adjective
1. of high quality.
“this was a fine piece of filmmaking”
synonyms: excellent, first-class, first-rate, great, exceptional, outstanding, quality, superior, splendid, magnificent, exquisite, choice, select, prime, supreme, superb, wonderful, superlative, of high quality, second to none
adverb informal
1. in a satisfactory or pleasing manner; very well.
““And how’s the job-hunting going?” “Oh, fine.””

Okay
adjective
1. satisfactory but not exceptionally or especially good.
“the flight was OK”
synonyms: satisfactory, all right, acceptable, competent; More
antonyms: unsatisfactory, unacceptable
(of a person) in a satisfactory physical or mental state.
“are you OK, Ben?”
synonyms: fine, all right, well, in good shape, in good health, fit, healthy, up to snuff; More
permissible; allowable.
“I’m not sure if it’s OK to say that to a teacher”
synonyms: permissible, allowable, acceptable, all right, in order, permitted, fitting, suitable, appropriate, fine; informal kosher
“is it OK for me to come?”
adverb
1. in a satisfactory manner or to a satisfactory extent.
“the computer continues to work OK”
synonyms: all right, fine, well, well enough, satisfactorily, acceptably
“everything seems to be going okay”

No, I am not fine or Okay.p_00422

I will say that I am, over & over, but I’m not.

I’ve been sitting here thinking about this and how we try to put on a strong front for people by telling them that we’re fine (and/or Okay) when we really aren’t.

I’m a wreck.

It’s infrequent that I post such personal things on here but I feel that I should explain my brief absence.

My best friend, Peaches (my kitty), is in ill health and it’s got me devastated.

I have to hydrate her with an IV daily, give her medicine in her mouth & her eye. The vet thinks the eye problem is a tumor and if the drops do not shrink it, it will continue to grow and his only solution is to remove her eye which he can not do because her kidneys are failing and she probably cannot manage the surgery.

She is 17 years old.

She is still a busy little cat, making her way to her food & water several times daily and does not seem to be in any pain.

This however, is of little comfort to me. Though I appreciate every day that I have with her and that she is not hurting, I know what is coming.

I’ve loved and lost many special friends in the past but inexplicably this feels different. I’m not ready to accept this.

Maybe it’s because of the other circumstances of my life, maybe it’s my depression, I don’t know why but I do know that this time I don’t want to face it.

I do have some posts to come, some nearly finished.

I am here, I’m just quiet right now.

 

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